User blog comment:Grimmival/Vampire/@comment-1966944-20120511071618

First question, as I've asked other Grimm fanfic writers here. Is this the full story or a detailed plot outline? If it is a plotline, fine. It sounds very interesting and fits in with the Grimm mythology. I particularly like the parts about Renard morphing and fighting the Reapers however, if it is a plotline it is way too detailed and you should just write your story, post it, then see about feedback. If it is the finished story then here are some suggestions.

You need to break down the story into more and smaller paragraphs. As it is, it's hard to read. The same with your sentences, as you have too many long, run on sentences.

You also need to show not tell. For example you write, ''Nick walks in the dark forest and sees a man in the cemetery. ''Describe Nick's emotions as he walks in that forest. What is his fear or his Grimm senses, etc. What else about that forest besides being dark makes it spooky or threatening?

Also don't just tell us what someone says. Have them say it and put it in quotation marks. Example, just don't say Renard says they have to listen to him because his royalty is too strong. Have Renard actually say it. When you just tell the story, it comes across blandly and there is no emotional connection for the reader. Also, check your spelling.

Writing a story is not like screenwriting, which is what we see on Grimm. They can show us emotions and atmosphere on film and through the acting of the characters. As a writer, you have to provide all the detail. It's not easy and it takes a lot of work on your part.

Again, if this is a plotline and you want feedback before you write the final story fine, but don't expect alot of feedback. As readers, we want to read the final product, then let you know how we feel and not some general outline, no matter how detailed it may be.